


Love

by FictionalWorldsAreExquisite



Series: Short malec fics [4]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Dialogue Heavy, Fluff, I think it's fluff?? If I had to pick a category??, In a way, It's mostly Alec talking about something to Magnus, Love, M/M, Reflection, it has a soft vibe, quiet vibe, that sounds so cheesy but you'll get it once you read it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-26
Updated: 2018-11-26
Packaged: 2019-08-29 14:49:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,317
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16746043
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FictionalWorldsAreExquisite/pseuds/FictionalWorldsAreExquisite
Summary: "You always call me love.”Alec looks up from the paperwork he was doing and frowns, “I guess so, why? Don’t you like it?”“Quite the contrary, I love it. But you won’t use any other names when talking to me, it’s either Magnus or love. I was just wondering why.”ORWhy does Alec call Magnus, 'love,' but nothing else?





	Love

**Author's Note:**

> I've been editing this one for a little while, trying to get it to a point I'm happy with which I haven't quite reached but I mostly like it. It might be more ooc than usual bc there's more talking and! The more words, the more risk! I mostly just like the idea behind it, even if I didn't do it justice. Let me know what you think! (again, I do struggle with characterisation most so I'm aware there's probably issues there. oh I also suck at editing so if you're like um?? this makes no sense?? yeah i probably didn't notice sorry).

Alec flips the page and sighs, leaning back in his chair, “love, can you grab my-”

“You always call me love.” 

Alec looks up from the paperwork he was doing and frowns, “I guess so, why? Don’t you like it?”

“Quite the contrary, I love it. But you won’t use any other names when talking to me, it’s either Magnus or love. I was just wondering why.” Magnus is sitting on the couch, fingers tracing invisible lines on a pillow, a sure sign he’s focusing on the conversation more than he wants to let on.

“I guess,” and Alec pauses here to properly think about it when it clicks, “oh.”

“‘Oh,’ what?” Magnus’ gaze looks up and there’s no denying his interest now.

“I think I just realised why myself,” and he did, really, it’s obvious and the thoughts start flooding in. A whole floodgate has been opened but he’s not drowning, he’s letting it flow around him.

“Well, now I’m intrigued.” That’s an understatement judging on how Magnus has edged right to the front of his seat, testing physics.

“I never really noticed it until you pointed it out but I had a thought, well, thoughts really.”

“Go on.”

Alec moves over to the couch and sits down next to him, pulling Magnus back from sudden embarrassment when he inevitably inches too far forward and falls. Magnus is tucked up against his side now and it’s really reinforcing his belief behind what he’s about to say as feelings of comfort wash over him and all tension flees. “You made me realise I can have love just like any other person has with someone in a relationship,” Alec says strongly, not wavering, he’s speaking into the void of the room but it’s like the room is directing the full force of his words back to Magnus.

Magnus is silent but it seems more thoughtful than anything.

Alec continues, less confident now but still sure of himself, “growing up gay in the institute was one thing. The chances of me ever having a relationship with a guy was pretty low, the chances of such a relationship being condemned was all but guaranteed. Being the eldest Lightwood, with an expectation to take over the institute one day, it was drilled into me that I mustn’t do anything to jeopardise that. Being in a same-sex relationship would’ve been considered equivalent to murdering a fellow shadowhunter in terms of jeopardising that, at least to my parents. It was on the ‘absolutely not’ shelf.”

Alec looks down at Magnus to see him listening quietly, appearing to be taking it all in. He leans his head down on top of Magnus’, cheek touching hair, seeking comfort. “If it was just me, perhaps I wouldn’t have cared as much about that and gone ahead anyway. But I had a name riding on my back, parental expectations and younger siblings that looked up to me, not to mention the Clave’s opinion. I guess it didn’t matter all that much anyway,” Alec tilts his head to kiss the top of Magnus’ and smiles into it, “here we are.”

“In any case, should I have decided to act on any attraction, I had the prejudice other shadowhunters had grown up with to deal with. I mean, I was in denial for so long as a gay person, hostility seemed all but guaranteed from those that weren’t. Kids especially, they haven’t had the chance to form their own opinion when growing up in shadowhunters society, views are forced down your throat like a blade is forced into your hand. Even still, if I found someone like me they probably had expectations to live up to as well and I couldn’t just ask them to break those. So, I assumed I would never experience love. I, as a kid, didn’t see much of a change happening in my future that would allow that to happen.” 

Alec is quiet for a bit, reliving the feelings he had as a kid. They’re not pleasant but he has a particularly good memory when it comes to recalling feelings. A curse, perhaps, as much as it is a blessing. Moving his head slightly, he feels Magnus’ hair move underneath him and it brings him back to the present.

“Then it was brought up that my parents expected me to get married to ensure the institute remains under the Lightwood name. I hated the idea but at least I could act to make sure I had a choice in the matter. I assumed it wasn’t the time to ask if Lydia had a brother or a particularly attractive male cousin so there I was, stuck in an engagement soon to be married to a woman. Now that made it final, I would never experience love. It was...upsetting for a bit, I tried to think that maybe I could fall in love with a woman. It’d never be perfect but...it was better than never experiencing love. It was delusional, of course. I knew I’d never fall in love with Lydia, no matter how much I could learn to love her as a friend. It also meant I’d sealed off any options of dating men because I couldn’t do that married, it wouldn’t be fair even if Lydia never expected anything from me. I remember thinking when the stele came down to touch my hand, this signifies the loss of love never to be found. But then you came along.” Alec smiles now and searches around for Magnus’ hand, grasping it.

“You know, when I kissed you, I realised that everything had been broken. You weren’t a shadowhunter with prejudice against who I am, you weren’t anything my parents would have approved of and I had certainly shattered all hopes of meeting their expectations the second my lips touched yours, the institute ever being handed over to me felt lost in the chaos, the Clave seemed irrelevant and most importantly, you weren’t a woman. You’re a man. Careful steps all my life to live in secrecy and denial only to be shattered by the touch of your lips,” Alec grins, “and I don’t mind a damn bit.”

Magnus laughs at that and leans in closer to Alec, about to say something but Alec cuts him off.

“It didn’t end there of course. I had hope that I could have that love but there were so many trials and errors along the way. I knew I loved you but anyone can fall in love, the question was, would it be reciprocated? Then you told me you loved me back,” Alec smiles, remembering, “and it was all real. The love I’d always wanted but thought I could never have, being true to myself, being completely and entirely in love with someone that loved me back, pure happiness. It was all real, despite the surroundings and circumstances, for a moment I just revelled in that.”

“I love you,” Magnus says quietly, sincerely, like it’s all he can think to say.

“I love you as well. You are love, you represent love. Every time I look at you, I remember I got to have that love. Thank you for not giving up on me.”

“If that speech tells me anything, it’s that putting my fears out on the line, giving you the chance to reject me, was all worth it. Not that I’ve doubted that in a long time.”

Alec blushes, “I didn’t mean to talk so much.”

“You didn’t, really, but you said more than enough, in the best way.”

Smiling, Alec asks, “dinner, love?” It’s purposeful this time, putting all his feelings behind that word, everything he’s just realised.

And who is Magnus to deny such an opportunity, he wouldn’t leave Alec right now even if his life depended on it. Alec had applied the emotional glue and there was no way out of this one.


End file.
